Counselling Blog

In an age where positivity is currency, Instagram grids glitter with pastel affirmations—“Good vibes only!”—and self-help books promise “ten simple steps” to happiness. The message is everywhere: Stay upbeat, no matter the cost. But beneath this sunny surface lies a shadow that too few dare to name: the tyranny of forced cheerfulness.

This isn’t about dismissing positivity entirely. Hope is a life raft, keeping us afloat during storms. But relentless optimism insists on a peculiar kind of emotional gaslighting. Sadness, frustration, or grief becomes a problem to be solved—preferably with a scented candle and a TED Talk (which I personally think are often great). Feel anything other than joy, and you risk being branded as a failure in the great project of wellness.

Such thinking fosters disconnection from the complexity of our emotional lives. An authentic self can’t be built by plastering over cracks with glitter glue. Living authentically means acknowledging the full spectrum of human experience—joy and grief, triumph and terror. It’s messy and imperfect.

Relentless positivity also fuels a hunger for quick fixes. Why dig into the tangled roots of discomfort when a five-minute mantra promises to "fix" everything? It’s the emotional equivalent of fast food: cheap, convenient, and ultimately unsatisfying. This rush to resolution leaves little room for the long, often uncomfortable process of meaningful change.

The pursuit of positivity often backfires. Denying “negative” emotions doesn’t make them disappear; it amplifies them. Like a beach ball forced underwater, they eventually resurface—frequently in inconvenient or destructive ways.

The alternative isn’t more cheerfulness but permission. Permission to feel every shade of human emotion, to linger in discomfort, and to resist the lure of quick fixes in favour of the slow, often difficult process of genuine growth. Discomfort isn’t an enemy; it’s a guide. Only by facing the storm can we begin to understand who we truly are.